I don’t have eloquent words for this. I apologize in advance.
After much thought and a lot of alcohol (I don’t handle these things as well as I probably should), I have made the decision to let my sweet, funny, smart and willing little black horse go before he gets stuck in a body that doesn’t respond the way he wants it to.
I did not make this decision lightly. I am not making it because I feel I have no other options. I am making this decision because it is the most logical one for all involved parties. Image has neurological disabilities — ones that have presented themselves in very small ways that now make sense — that are dangerous to himself, his herd mates, and the people that handle him on a regular basis. I don’t want anyone else getting hurt, and I especially don’t want him injuring himself in any way.
My heart aches. The temperamental, reactive side of me is pitching a fit over just how unfair life can be. I am angry at the fact that we won’t get to explore a future together, one that was shaping up to be very promising and full of fun adventures for both of us. I’m even more angry that this has happened to such a wonderful critter, who has just had the shittiest hand dealt to him far too much in his short life. It seems like he was just figuring out that people were okay again, between myself and B being people he could trust…and now this? It’s just. not. fair.
However, the logical, rational (er, mostly rational) side of me knows this is the kindest thing I can do. The past six months have been amazing. I’ve learned a great deal about myself and about horses in a very short period of time. Our story will be short, but it is rich with love and adventure. I don’t regret a single second spent with him, or taking a the plunge into horse ownership.
Neither of our separate stories are ending here, either. I don’t have a specific set of spiritual/religious beliefs, but I’m pretty sure all that energy has to go somewhere. So, Image will go and romp, pain and worry free, with GP over the Rainbow Bridge. Hopefully he’ll get to say hello to my mother, father, and grandparents as well. As for mine? I think both Image and GP would come down a give me a double barrel kick if I didn’t pursue another horse. Not right away, unless something falls into my lap…but being critterless all around just doesn’t work for me. I have to believe that with every ending, there’s a new beginning waiting to be discovered.
So. That’s that, I suppose. The tentative date as of right now is July 26th. I’ll spend the next month spoiling him, snuggling him, having a session in front of the camera with him, and making sure he knows he’s adored.
I don’t know what’s going to happen next. I’m not up to thinking about that. I’m just going to enjoy things in the moment and love this silly black horse with everything I’ve got.