The Princess and the Apple

Two weekends ago (bad blogger! Bad!)  I got to ride my favorite blonde princess after about a month off. J’s main mare, Tica, managed to booboo herself so J was down a horse. I bowed out as I’m the only non family/non paying person on our Saturday rides, so it only made sense for me to sit things out until Tica was recovered. Of course, I have other horses to ride, but I’m pretty sure it’s clear as day that my most favorite mount/people to ride with are Acerca and J’s crew. I honestly took most of August off for that reason…and also because bugs.

So, I was excited to go ride last Saturday. I was coming from home, so I readied myself for a long drive (hour and a half to J’s…yes, I am batshit!). I toodled up there and was happy to find Acerca already waiting for me in a stall. We tacked up and hustled out the door.

Tica was in rare form after quite some time off, so we cruised along at a decent clip, chatting and laughing like usual. While we were tacking up, I had mentioned in passing that I would love to go visit the abandoned apple orchard J had mentioned a few times. J was happy to acquiesce, and we left the minis and carts on the road to go down the windy path into the apple orchard.

I was prepared for a bit of bushwhacking. What I wasn’t prepared for was all the beautiful, perfect, AMAZING, tasty as hell apples all over the place!!


We all squealed with delight when we realized how many apples were on the trees, and that they were almost perfectly ripe. These trees are entirely untended, so obviously there was some careful inspection before we dug in, but 90% of them were untouched and lovely. Acerca happily stuffed her face into a tree and tried like hell to grab a treat. She kept knocking them off, so she was content to share mine after she realized that her lips weren’t THAT prehensile.

We began to weave our way out of the trees, and, while juggling multiple apples in my hands, I made noises about being upset that I didn’t have saddle bags to bring some apples home. J giggled and I looked over at her. She had a telltale shit eating grin and glint of mischief in her eye that I KNOW precedes a ridiculous but amazing idea.

“I’m putting mine in my bra.”

J, you are a GENIUS.

I unabashedly loaded up my sports bra with apples. I’m pretty sure that I had at least ten in there, which I can do now because my bras are huge and 99% ineffective at this point. Not to mention, my fancy riding bra has two parts two it, so it was a perfect little “bag” for apples!

We hooted and giggled about our lumpy boobs as we ducked out of the orchard and settled back on the dirt roads. I spent the rest of the ride with the reins looped over the pommel of my saddle (real safe — don’t follow my lead, kids!) and rode home with one hand tangled in Acerca’s mane, the other holding my apple-boobs in place. J got a super flattering video of me and S galloping back up to her and Tica with my hands firmly over my chest, and then promptly posted a screenshot to Facebook. Thanks, J. /sarcasm

We got back to the barn and I unloaded in my car before untacking Acerca. We giggled the rest of the time I was there about our adventures, and I continued to giggle the entire ride home. One of my favorite things about riding with J is that every ride has me in stitches at least once!

I have this weekend’s ride to write about too, as well as my escapades with Tiny Corgi 1.0 and 2.0, beach trips, and upcoming concert insanity! Stay tuned!